I can not STOP reading. As a child I used to read in my bed all night. I could not stop reading. As an abuse victim I was ordered by my abuser Richard Zona Jr., I was NOT TO READ IN BED. He would have a “shit kick fit” (what his mother Barbara called his EVIL tantrums) if I was reading, as I was negligent in his abusive, forced, sexual abuse of me. I would oblige, not with my heart or soul, as my children slept nearby and I was to ashamed to tell anyone. And I also believed I was sparing my children from the SICK DYSFUNCTION in our house. It’s bullshit in a victim’s head. Not being permitted to read eventually took away my voice as well. I was a shell…I was Richard Zona Jr.’s puppet. I did not ask questions because if I did, something of mine would be taken away. I barely existed.
As a survivor, especially as of late, I read all night again! I do not listen to t.v. much, because i have my OWN information. I have my own opinion. And it’s obvious I have my OWN TRUTH. I read. And I read. And I read. And sometimes I can not stop. So much information is available and I can’t stop learning. I can’t stop learning about my abuse as I watch the pain abuse has caused those purging it now.
I feel DEEP compassion for Aaron Carter. He is purging right now. He is in PAIN. I believe his family has caused him pain and abuse, as well as others, as abuse gallops in families. I had hoped when I began my blog/diary almost five years ago that it would stop the abuse continuing through my children. I don’t have an answer for that right now. But I have HOPE. A lot of HOPE and way more knowledge from reading at night, all night, than I actually want. But I can not stop! If your a victim READ EVERYTHING YOU CAN. Since my abusive monster Richard Zona Jr. stole everything that was mine, except my soul, I could not afford a therapist, I just read. Reading, plus my school of knocks education, has helped me UNDERSTAND THE PRESENT WORLD.
GOOD NEWS for Dr. Drew Pinsky. I threw him under the bus in a previous blog because he acted like a zombie robot in discussing Michael Jackson’s pedophilia and abuse, He tiptoed around it. But today I saw him MAD AS HELL about the homeless crisis in Venice Beach. SCREAM Dr. Drew as you SHOULD. Welcome back to your voice and the LOVING WORLD!!
IT’S THE BELOVED WEEKEND AND I NEED A HEALTHY BREAK, AS YOU COME BACK STRONGER THAN EVER, TO COMBAT ABUSE, FRAUDS. AND CONS.
LOVE TO ALL AS TODAY WAS A WELL READ DAY AROUND THE WORLD OF MY BLOG. #GRATEFUL #BEYONDHAPPY.