I did survive, however, it was at a tremendous loss. Now that my survival has been solidified I want my LOSS BACK. In my home and for my family I did develop survival tactics to keep the peace. For me, I just tried to be a ghost in my own home. I learned what to say and not say. And I learned to never say no. But unfortunately for the evil monster Richard Zona Jr. my spirit within was not broken. As the abuse in our home escalated, the forced daily sex, no matter what the circumstances were, forced my spirit to erupt. Thus began my unlearning my survival tactics. Richard Zona Jr., the monster I was married to, did not like my soul coming to the surface. He actually called my loving parents and told them “I am having problems with Tracy.” Of course he didn’t tell them he was forcing their daughter into sex, EVERYDAY. And of course he didn’t tell them as a grown women he forbid me to “read a book” or “watch a movie” in place of the forced sex. The sexual abuse escalated to disgusting demands of “I want you to lick my ass.” But, I never did. I taught myself to unlearn the abuse survival tactics. According to Richard Zona Jr. “he was having problems with me” because I began unlearning how to survive his financial, emotional, sexual, and coercive control. He did not like it and HE BLEW. For fifteen more years until today, the purpose of my blog, the monster Richard Zona Jr. is still coming after me. He has used so many people to do so. I want my losses back surviving horrific abuse. My losses belong to me. And I want the monster Richard Zona Jr. held culpable, accountable, and express some remorse for what he did behind closed doors. I AM PROUD TO SAY I HAVE UNLEARNED ABUSE AND I HAVE UNLEARNED ALL THE ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS. As Richard Zona Jr. knows…..I am no longer a ghost to appease, quiet, or limit, his monstrous behavior.