Leaving abuse and trying to rebuild your life is TRAUMATIC. No aspect of my abusive marriage was NORMAL. It is TRAUMA from the beginning of the marriage until the end of your life. I came across UNSPOKEN SECRETS ABOUT LIFE AFTER ABUSE.
~Looking from the outside, you would think when someone finally escapes an abusive relationship, the worst is over. No more torture. No more hell. No more emotional blackmail or physical violence. And with the source of the hurt removed, healing can begin. But after the external danger is gone, and the abuser is (at least physically) out of the picture, the survivor’s internal journey is only beginning. And it’s one reason most people have no idea why it takes so long to heal. Here are unspoken (or rarely spoken) truths about the unique challenges survivors face after they’ve gotten out.
1. You have to stop living in denial. After you’re out and the past abuse is out in the open, you are forced to acknowledge it instead of pretending, at least on some level, that it wasn’t happening. This requires you to integrate the awful things that happened to you into who you are, without letting them define you. It requires completely rewriting your self-concept to include your victimization without allowing yourself to become a victim.
2. You have to walk away—and stay away—from something you believed was love.
3. You have to unlearn your unhealthy coping strategies. You learned every trick to try to keep your abuser happy, or at least to avoid triggering his or her rage. You learned to be submissive and silent. You learned to walk around minefields and stay out of the line of fire. To tiptoe around insecurities, walk delicately on eggshells, and act as if parts of you—needs, desires, dreams—didn’t exist. You learned to diminish your own value,and to accept utterly unacceptable treatment. The mind-bends you went through to achieve a modicum of harmony and keep yourself—and perhaps your children—safe from harm—are staggering. ****(I wrote a blog about what it felt like walking on eggshells. The PALM SPRINGS JUDGE GAGGED IT, however, it is in my files for other avenues of TRUTH TELLING)
4.You have to deal with a host of naive, insensitive, self-righteous, people. It is also crucial to choose carefully the people with whom you share your truth and only do so with those you can trust fully and you know will not use it to hurt you.
5.You have to repair broken bonds with family and friends. Some relationships may never regain the closeness and intimacy they once had, especially if you—or your abuser through you—pushed someone away. Your old life doesn’t just snap back into place immediately. You changed, and others changed along with you. Restoring broken relationships is hard work, and focusing on finding a new way to enjoy family and old friends will be more productive than trying to go back to the way things were before.
6. Flying monkeys will be recruited and help the abuser continue abuse. Expect them. Put up your shield. You WILL GO THROUGH HELL.”
Speaking of HELL I heard the President of the United States, Donald Trump, today won his court battle to tweet, even hyberbole, … he won because of the FIRST AMENDMENT. A Judge(S.James Otero L.A.) followed the law and ruled free speech of the President was protected by the the constitution. Yep, he called Stormy Daniels “A CON” and a “HORSEFACE”. And the president had due process. An actual defamation case occurred.
In the Palm Springs Court/Riverside County I was DENIED:
Due Process, a defamation case – One I am certain Judge S. James Otero would have thrown out.
My First Amendment Right.
My Right To an Attorney.
And issued FORBIDDEN PRIOR RESTRAINT.